Hippies, glitter, queers, absurdity, kittens and who the hell knows what else.
Earlier today (about 50 seconds ago) I was having a conversation with a dear friend (MC) about running into shitheads we don’t like. My response was “I avoid people I hate by never leaving my apartment!”
I literally have only gotten out of bed in the last 5 hours to make coffee/pour coffee/pee out coffee.
Then I realized no matter how much time I spend on Tumblr whilst sitting on my throwing cups of coffee down my throat….I have a roommate.
A roommate that I hate.
Last week, I got my mutinous gallbladder removed. I am so incredibly thankful for having that horrid power hungry organ out of my body. Although… I do worry for the rest of the world now that it is free. One time I swear I heard it gurgling something about world domination. Oh well, not my issue any more! Blame the surgeon who took it out if shit gets weird.
I am currently stuck at home recovering. Today is currently day 5 of being trapped inside my house.. other wise known as, day five of MC losing their god damn mind. I honestly admire the dedication that recluses posses, I don’t have that in me. I need human contact that is not my crazy ass family.
I start a new job on Sunday, so let’s cross our fingers I am feeling good enough to work by then! Also, cross your fingers that my gallbladder (whose name is Stabby McAwful) doesn’t escape the trash receptacles of the hospital and begin it’s rise to world domination. We need all the luck we can get on that one. That little fucker is capable of causing unspeakable amounts of pain.
Once upon a time, there was a panda. This panda wasn’t any ordinary panda, it was a panda that could totally speak english. Most pandas speak Chinese but this was a bilingual panda, which made it super special. One day, the bilingual panda (whose name, we have learned is Larry) decided to move to…
Sometimes… I take pain meds for my gallbladder issues, and this is what happens
Molly shows us all what happens inside of her head… ALL THE TIME.
Molly (@meatcatmolly)
- If i eat enough starfruit, do i become more obscure? #foodquestions
- If i drink a lot of that amp shit, do i turn into a subwoofer?
- I just don’t think “religiousity” is a word.
- “Youre welcome. I think half-asleep me has a bright future in the stand-up (lay-down?) comedy field.” #shitigettexted
- “I don’t care if you have legs….You just have to have a bellybutton!”#finley
MC (@MCLampe02)
- There is someone with a British accent in the bookstore…. I want to makeout with them.
- Does anyone else forget to breathe sometimes? No… Just me? #ignoreme
- Spending my Friday night at home, laying in bed, and watching netflix. #IAmTheMostExcitingPersonEver
- My life is a musical. Random bursting into song, dancing, and a super hilarious but riviting storyline
- You may now call me President Lampe McMohawk #swag
- The lady at the Chinese food place greeted me on the drive thru intercom with “IT’S YOU!!” #ieattoomuchchinesefood
- Also..my aunt is going around saying “my name is Cynthia….. And I got a boob job.”
Our twitters are just as strange as ever! You should follow us and catch all of the ridiculousness as is happens!
So one time, I was femme… let’s all laugh hysterically. Also, at some point I must have gotten lost in the jungle that is my aunts back yard.
1- The Snail
This person has probably had way too many run-ins with hard liquor lately and are trying to “slow down.”. A few nights of “What the fuck am I doing with all these White Castles?” and a few mornings sweating out straight whiskey and wine really doesn’t seem like a terrible idea. There is no way in hell this person can actually give up drinking, but beer feels too midwestern and takes too long to get drunk. Yes, this person still gets wasted.
2- The Eye-Roll-Target
Remember that episode of South Park when Stan’s parents moved to San Fran and the pretentious d-bags in the neighborhood smelled their own farts? Those assholes loved some wine. There are actually people like this that aren’t in cartoon form!! They like wine too. Except not any wine, only the kind that average Americans can’t pronounce or afford. This person’s favorite insult is probably, “Please! Charlotte is suuuch a Riesling!”
3- The Classy Beyotch
The general philosophy of this set of booze consumer is something along the lines of, “Whatever happens is totally still classy….if you’re wearing pearls.” Also white and in a sorority. You can spot this one drinking boxed white wine out of a floral travel coffee mug on the way to class/the mall/daddy’s house/frat party.
4- The Suburban Interior Decorator
There is a LOT of kitchy home decor that is wine themed. And there are even more suburban parents who work at banks who want to decorate with that crap. They probably only started drinking wine to not feel like a total hypocrite when they shelled out cash for a polka-dotted spice rack that says “Mama Needs Her Medicine” with a piece of stemware on it.
……Sometimes Molly drinks too much coffee and can’t sleep. This is what you fuckers get.
(via msims)
Here is another lovely addition of Things We Tweeted This Week!!!
Molly:(@MeatCatMolly)
- today i drank a latte out of my purse and am now listening to salt n pepa in a parking lot in mt adams waiting for melissa to shit.
- my spring break is about to be nothing but toddlers & tiaras.
- I just don’t like strangers. Thank meatcat for iced coffee. #Caffeinefixeseverything
- Audre Lourde is like Taylor Swift, you date her you get written about lolz #shitzachtexts
my boyfriend was a minnesota diaper model. #perfect
M.C.: (@Mclampe02)
- Some people have skeletons in their closet… I have barbies. #mcproblems
- Annnnddd..my car is on fire. #awesome #ihatethisweek
-“I like when I have green poop.. it changes things up.” #shitmysistersays
-“Alien Dick does strange things to people” @mama_dave
-Apparently my dog found a check In my room that I forgot existed. #moneydog
-Ohhh were… Is my hairbrush?!? Oh where…. Is my hairbrush!?! Oh where oh where oh where oh where oh where oh where OH WHERE!!!!!!!!!! …
There you have it kids, a collections of the weirdness that goes on in the lives of MC and Molly. Enjoy!
Hey everyone! It has been awhile. Molly and I have been dealing with tons of school and life related stress, which actually sparked this lovely text conversation.
Backstory: I am currently having gallbladder issues and might have to get a test done that injects radioactive shit into your body to see what your gallbladder is up to.
Molly: You should have a t-shirt made. “My gallbladder is radioactive and all I got was this stupid t-shirt.”
Me: I’ll get that made the same time I get my speakoutpalooza shirt made for all of the speakouts I have been doing at school.
Molly: Hell Yeah! Tshirt Party!! Its like panama city, but no sand in your asscrack.
Me: No sand… but lots of radioactive gallbladders
Molly: Which is as glowy as a Panama City Beach sunrise
Me: We can take the radioactive gallbladder to a rave, and it could be it’s own glowstick
Molly: …or trade it for drugs
Me: I think a radioactive body part is worth at least 5 hits of something.
I’ll let you all know how this plan goes….
